I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize