i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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