i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
