allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
