I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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