I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
