I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
