you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
