she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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