Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
