I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
