If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
