the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
