I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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