FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
