Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
