Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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