I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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