Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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