Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
