so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
