i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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