I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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