we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
