I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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