A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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