At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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