tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
