yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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