btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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