Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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