It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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