im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
