she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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