we're chasing vodka with high fives
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
