guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
