Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
