plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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