I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
