Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
