she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
