he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
