She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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