the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
