I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
