I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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