Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
