She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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