I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
