Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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