census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
