I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we made out on top of his cat.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Randomize
