Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
