she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
