so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
