I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize