somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
