In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
