M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
