i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
