You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
