Sponge bath it is.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
