This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
