he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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