i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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