can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize