If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
