Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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