even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
