tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
