Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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