Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize