There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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