If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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