hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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