WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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