he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize