to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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