The maid of honor just puked.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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