is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize