I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
