Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
