kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
