I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
