I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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