it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
