Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
