Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
