my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize