I will die if light touches me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
