just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
