I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
