Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
this is an emotional support booty call
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
