she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
