she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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