Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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