Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
