just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
