Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
