I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
