just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
