she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
