I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
