i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
