I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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